Buy Stock in Derby Cigarettes...

Well dat ole Larry done rolled up into town and smoked up ever last Marlboro Light in da village, you caint find one fo miles bra, so he switches his ass over to Derby Cigarettes and my financial advisor say it's about time to make a run on dat ole Derby stock market cuz dat shit bout to go true da roof, dats yo inside trader tip of the day...

I will keep you posted when he smokes up all dem Derbys and which brand he switches to...all da vagrants in town gonna whoop his ass if he keep dis shit up...Les, you betta load up before you come back to town, Larrys a heavy hitter an he aint foolin round ya hear?

5 Day Rice Pudding

Well Miss Cailin Callahan don't realize it just yet but she just got banned from the Soda Mary kitchen fo a little while cuz she done left a bowl dat good ole rice puddin up in there fo bout 5 days now, and today bein garbamage day an all, ole Lagarto has to trow dat stuff out...Don't worry sweetie, we let you back in da kitchen one of these days...

Rollin...

Well I not sure what you folks look forward to, some folks like big tits, some like big weiners, well we like it when da beer truck rolls into town...Pura Vida!

Thieves

Well the god damn thieves done ripped off any ever thing in town, its okay to steal from gringos cuz they rich, any way they usually make a hand full of change, drink it all up and pass out on the corner, at least the dog sees opportunity here, just gittin him ready for prison...

Video credit goes to Tio Pelon shot on location from Jimmy's porch?

Help Wanted: Flaming Porky Pine Ass Shooter...

Well, I tell you, me an Larry sittin in a bar, yes. I know hard to believe, well any ways, dis ole boy start tellin a story bout workin in property managembent, that was a typo but I gonna leave it like dat, well I says to ole boy, hey bra how de hell you works in property management, he says well man I tell you, I and I man standin in the line for unemployment one day, they one ole boy in front of me and they says we got 2 mo jobs left, dat first job is shootin out flaming porcupines out your ass, the second job is working in property management, dat first ole boy says, hell gimme dat porky pine gig, so this ole boy from Florida got stuck workin in Property Management...

Any ways, Mark now owns a bar in Costa Rica, still wishin he was shootin fire ball porky pines out his ass...you should visit his bar on da beach, Barrilitos, but watch out for da fucking karaoke gringos tryin to sing like theys the next Night Ranger...

Sista Christian what you look fo...

Esterillos Skate Town...

Well, I'm not gonna write any thing obscene today, but this is Dennis' kid, this is the future of Esterillos, when I am dead and the skaters take over, Pura Vida!

Eee-way-puta, mas Lluvia!! (Mo Rain, Mo Rain)...

Well dem ole Nikas got all the luck, first of all we take half their country and re-name it Costa Rica, then they says, thats alright, we still got Lake Nicaragua, then they find out that they gots fresh watta sharks, som bitch, now to add to their bad luck, Hurricane Ida dumpin shit loads of rain, on them AND on us, damn nicas, it's their fault we aint surfin right now...

Tico Drivin License

Well yestaday we drivin a rental car up to Chepe (San Jose) and da po-lease wave us down says we haulin ass, ask Adam fo his license cuz we looks like a bunch of turistas, so Adam reach fo his pasaporte an I say, wo bra, not da pasaporte, da Tico License, so he reach for $20 bill, no bra, not dat bra, da Tico License, then light bulb goes off above Adam's head and he hands po po his real Costa Rican Drivers License, Po Po take one look and say, "You boys have a nice day, an slows down just a leetle beet", gracias amigo...

Now fo you turismos, don't yall be comin down here payin off the police and drivin up the bribes from what used to cost us $5 now gringos pullin out $40, come on now...